The Dogs B****x

A friend of mine sent me this game.

I've decided to give you the opportunity to play it coz life is all about making your pup look good.

Oh, thanks to Richard for showing me how to link sites again.

Dude. Check out the tits on him?

Last night I watched some show on Channel 4 called "Bet you £50 that you watch this" or something like that.

The show was presented and written by some Sikh guy who was, by his own admission, a chronic gambler.

He decided to take £7000 of his own money and try to make a mint from playing different stuff like casinos, dogs , nags, betting exchanges etc. You know the deal.

Anyways, he went to Vegas to meet some guy who was infamous for taking and indulging in crazy bets.

A few years previous, this bloke had bet an aquaintance of his $100000 that he could get as much / more attention as the blokes girlfriend (who apparently had more than enough up top) if he was to get breast implants himself.

Of course, the proof is in the pudding. So Sikh guy told the Bloke to "show him the money" so to speak.

Now, I'm a hardened late night TV spectator (due to the long bookmaker hours I used to work) but I gotta say, this was too much for even me.

This bloke had a lovely pert set of breasts which, in all honesty, got me a little aroused.

Is that weird?

OK, so it didn't really get me aroused, the opposite in fact.

My question is simple.

What are you doing, you crazy yank? and do you have a girlfriend / boyfriend? coz I do know a couple of people who would very much like to.......

6 year Anniversary

Today / Tomorrow is mine and Super Lisa's 6 year anniversary (You got that already didn't you?) depending on whether you go by the 24 hour clock or consider a day isn't over until you go to bed.

Last night, she said, oh baby I feel so down, when you turn me off (Wait, hold up, those are Strokes lyrics, not my girlfriends words).

So, last night she said "We get on pretty well, don't we"?

Truth is, I can't imagine getting on better with anyone I've ever known.

Most of you know S.L. so I'll keep this praise to a minimum.

1. She's Kind
2. She's thoughtful
3. She's humorous (Not as much as me but then, who is?)
4. She's extremely intelligent (Some might argue, too clever for a Terry Fuckwit like me)
5. She is Hot Hot Hot.
6. She puts up with my shit, which is possibly the most important factor of all.

Tonight, I'm taking her to see a whacky spanish movie, followed by dinner at a french restaurant in Hove.
The evening will be finished off with drinks and a few games of pool.

Now, I did want to take her to see an adult pantomime called "Jack and his big stalk" but alas couldn't get tickets so the whacky spanish movie will have to do.

To conclude this entry I've composed a little song.

Ahem,

"I love Lisa, coz she makes a good Pizza,
She makes me feel happy, when I seem a little snappy,
She's hotter than the sun and never ending fun,
She kills me with a kiss so I'm in a state of Bliss,
She makes me laugh, and is ace at pool
She gladly suffers Grant the fool.

Happy Anni darling.

6 years has been a breeze.

Undignified at best

As you know, I work for an Insurance company near Brighton.

Well recently, our company moved to Brighton itself and as a result I no longer need my car (Vagelis).

He's an old war horse who never gives me any trouble and costs just a few hundred quid in MOT's and Services each year.

That's what you get for driving a Volvo people.

So anyway, back to the main point of this entry.

Because I live in Hove, I have decided that I'm gonna roller blade into work each day.

Me and Super Lisa got the blades last Xmas and have used them only a few times on Brighton Prom mainly coz, well we're both shite at it.

Apparently (according to my skater boy friend Mark. Careful!) I haven't sorted out my core stability yet.

It took me about 40 mins to skate to work on Monday (walking would take 45 mins), during which time I nearly fell over 4 times and got laughed at by a load of workmen (In fairness, if I was them, I think I'd have been a little more cutting than they were).

On the way home, I began to feel the roller rhythm (yes, that is how you spell rhythm).

I was, quite frankly, flying down the prom on me skates feeling kinda good about myself when the inevitable happened.

A raised paving slab was my nemesis and boy wonder crashed headlong/ face first under a truck.

So, there we have it. I died on 15/1/07.

My tombstone will read , coz I'm gonna have a tomb.
"It seemed like a good idea at the time"

Sorry Donal, I died first and now it'll just look like you stole my line". Ha

The water in Majorca don't taste quite what it oughta

Had a right touch at the weekend (that's punter talk for a very nice win thankyou very much).

Some idiot was offering 170/1 for Half time Seville, Full Time Real Mallorca in the Spanish Primera Liga.

As normal I had £2 at that price.

Seville scored a penalty in the first half and went into the break 1-0 to the good.

In the 2nd Half, Mallorca scored twice and ran out 2-1 winners.

I laid off about £24 of my profit but still ran out £300 better off.

If only I had the balls, I'd turn professional.

Thankyou Mallorca, that's the 2nd time you've done the biz for me.

I probably owe you a visit for summer hols.

Dancing Dude not Dancing Queen

I missed the football last night.

Liverpool 3 : 6 Arsenal

Are you fucking kidding me?

I missed the football because some guy, who me and Super Lisa met down the pub just before Xmas, dragged us to dance classes.

Yes, that's right, DANCE CLASSES.

For a while now (about 5 years to be precise) S.L. has been trying to get me to dance classes so that we can learn the Tango or "Romantic Dancing" as she calls it.

Being a total Sport loving Hetero, I have always resisted this sort of pastime coz lets face it, it's just Gay.

So, anyway. Last night me, S.L. and N.K.O.T.B. went to our 1st class.

8:00 - 8:30 David Bowies (Absolute Beginners, Ha Ha)

8:30 - 9:00 Freestyle (Dance with whoever you like, but not the girl with the sweaty palms or the Freak of nature girl who scouls at you when you do it wrong).

9:00 - 9:30 Intermediate Classes for Non Bowies and Extra Jones classes for Bowies in the small back room with a small young guy who is quite a nervous type.

9:30 - 10:00 Freestyle

10:00 - 10:30 Fuck that, i'm off down the pub to drink beer, play pool and be a man.

To be perfectly fair, it wasn't nearly as bad as I'd imagined, although it helps when you pick it up
quickly like I did (No really, I was actually quite good).

In short, this dude can dance like Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman (Yes, I know he was blind but he could Tango better than anyone I've ever seen).

As for the question, will I go back again?

No way, it's Champions League on Tuesdays.

Scooby Scooby Don't

I am sad to announce the death of yet another great Cartoonist.

Iwao Takamoto (the creator of Scooby Doo) died yesterday at the age of 81.

This comes just a month after the death of another Legendary cartoonist, Joseph Barbera, who was the creator of Captain Caveman (What was that cartoon all about) amongst many others.

Scooby Doo got his name from a line in an old Frank Sinatra track entitled Strangers in the Night which contained the phrase Dooby Do (Not a lot o'people know that).

Damn, if it's that easy to make a shite load o' money, maybe I should create a cartoon called Mr Eynamiteeee Dormouse or Puss your paws up in Detroit (Wow, that really is a Car toon).

One question remains though.

Are myself and my friends still allowed to play Scooby Doo at a Saturday night after party or will we have to start playing Homer J (I am smokin today) Simpson from now on.

Who knows and who cares?

Blah, blah blah, blah blah.

Tatic and Citing

A fellow blogger who I know only as X is now with a girl called Terri.

Now I know I fell outa love with Blogworld a while back and have missed a lot in the last year but fuckin WOW.

I say WOW, maybe it should be more like wow.

I kinda knew she was his Trinity and probably he knew it too.

Anyways, congrats X and sorry I'm way behind the times.

Because he's worth it!

Myself and Super Lisa sat down to watch This Life + 10 yesterday evening just like so many other late 20's early 30's did.

I thought it was splendabulous coz following two fantastic series with a 1 hour 20 min show 9 years later must have been a tall order.

I liked the way they managed to interweve current popular music (The Killers and Kaiser Chiefs) into the background of the scenes aswell as reminding us of the haunting melodies of Portishead (Circa 1997) in the old series.

Of course, this small slot could never match the memories we have of the show all those years ago, but I think that the characters remained pretty much the same.

Egg was a wet dreamer.
Warren was confused but pretending not to be.
Milly was a crazy ass, hormonal bunny boiler type.
Anna was psychologically and physically on her own.

and Miles was still a total middle class Tory Wanker.

Of course, they all looked a little older...... Wait a minute, no they didn't.

Andrew Lincoln doesn't seem to have aged one day. Has he invented some sort of This Life time machine?

I'd like to say that I hope I look as good as him at his age but I already am his age and look old enough to be his Dad.

What's your secret Andrew?

Now some of my friends back home in Sunny Bournemouth are probably thinking or most likely shouting at the screen right now (you know who you are Leigh and Darren).

They'll be shouting something like "you're so fucking gay Jones".

Well, I do dance like a big gay bear when i've had a couple of red bulls, but A.L. is not really my type.

That honour has to be reserved for pretty boy Depp.


Keira Knightley, KEIRA FUCKING KNIGHTLEY i said.
Pheww.

Ok, where was I, oh yes Andrew Lincoln and This Life.

So, in conclusion, where the Fuck was Ferdy? He was probably in more episodes than Warren was.

Why weren't you there?

You were as much an integral part as the other 5.

Anyway, thanks for the effort, and despite what was said in That Life, the after show how we made this documentary documentary, it has brought some much needed closure for me.

Great days.

Y'aright me duck. What does t' P stand for?

Happy New Year blog pickers.

This year, just as last , myself and my University pals spent New Years Eve in a small village in Derbyshire.

It was fancy dress in the Red Lion and those in costume got their first drink on the house.

Me and Super Lisa decided to improvise this year (last year we went as Zorro and Cleopatra) as we're tight ass bastards who don't like paying out £30 - £40 on a costume that you'll likely vomit and piss on.

I originally wanted to go as Flavour Flav (Public Enemy) as even I can make a stupid hat and clock out of cardboard.

It didn't happen though, coz Super Lisa said it was her idea (piffle) .

Instead, she had the quite brilliant idea of going as Salt and Pepper.

Now, both of us are total whiteos so we thought it would be really clever, and ever so slightly humorous to go dressed as Salt and Pepper Pots (Oh fuck off, I know it's shit but we're not exactly Cannon and Ball ya know).

I wore all Black with a white P on my chest and a stupid black pepper grinder hat (Thanks for making it S.L.) and Super Lisa wore all white and a Big black S on her back.

Problem was, Lisa spent quite a lot of the night sat down and so after the white face paint had rubbed off, she just looked like a girl who likes wearing white clothes.

Consequently, nobody knew which Superhero / Pop star I was most of the time and all night I got the feeling that blokes were labelling me with other less worthy P words.

So, that was my New Year in a nutshell.

Oh, except that I got beaten up by Superman just coz I called him a spineless Cunt.


P.S.S. Best costume of the night (Hands Down) was the tall bloke dressed in drag.
When asked whether he had come as Pete Burns, Tranny annie replied "Nur Duck, A'm Avril Lavigne" (He was totally serious).