I simply can't believe it and yet just 4 years ago I stood on the bank of the thames with SL and said that I thought there would be a world wide smoking ban within 50 years.
It's not gonna be that long me thinks.
So that's it. No more smokey bars, pubs or nightclubs.
No more paying extortionate prices for fags from a machine in a bar and remembering you only get 16 anyways.
No more sneaking a cheeky smoke from some guy down your local when you are supposed to have quit.
No more beer in your right hand and ciggie in your left.
No more being told not to smoke within 5ft of the bar.
No more post coital smoking after a quickie in the Lavs.
No more having to relight you fag when someone walking past has inadvertantly knocked your cherry off.
No more having to re stub out your fag in the ash tray when your first attempt resulted in a small trail of smoke which makes a bee line for you eyes.
No more smoking Liam Gallagher stylee to show all and sundry that your a rude boy or cool.
No more giving away fags to a total stranger when you don't really want to.
No more putting your fag on the side of the pool table when you take a shot.
There are plenty more no doubt, but this got boring about 20 no mores ago.
How's it gonna work then?
Is there gonna be a mass exodus from pubs and clubs in England by disgruntled smerkers (Nice one bowkett) ? Evidence from around the world suggests not.
Will there be undercover police bursting into your toilet cubicle to issue you a £50 fine.
Will there be bouncers on every door of every club searching you for fags and confiscating them for there own use. ( You know they do that).
Are you going to be able to hire bong type devices from the bar, so that you can get round the ban and get your nicotine fix?
How many police man hours will be spent enforcing this legislation?
Will bars and clubs around the country be applying for Royal Palace status (apparently, if you beleive the daily mail, the palace of westminster where the MP's frequent is exempt from the ban coz of it's royal palace status) just so there clientelle don't fuck off home or down the park?
Will most pubs have to designate there beer garden to an open air smoking zone. Would that even be aloud?
What the fuck does confined space mean anyway?
Will the government legalise narcotics so that all ex smokers are so spaced out they don't think about smoking anyway?
Will smokers smoke all the way up to next summers deadline or will people give up in there 10's of thousands this winter?
Should we all be buying shares in outside electrical heaters?
Will die hard smokers (Could that phrase be any funnier?) start Globetrotting around our planet looking for countries where the ban is not law yet (Err yeah, could you tell me how much a one way ticket to Belize is? Oh, where is Belize? oh never mind, is doesn't matter anyway.)
How can a Billion chinese people be wrong?
Will fights kick off at the taxi ranks and kebab houses coz beer boys are nicotine starved?
Will it be the end of ex smokers telling you that you ought to quit, it's gonna kill you, it's a disgusting habit and how they feel so much better since they stopped. (Does quitting smoking somehow fuck your memory aswell?)
Will thousands of Trebor and Wrigleys factory workers lose there jobs?
Who knows what the future holds for the Tobacco companies either? Hope they are OK.
Having dealt with the no mores and the wills, who's and where's, I think it's about time I told you really what I think (I'm not that bothered if you want to hear it).
I'm guessing that the law as it stands will probably fail coz it's just going to be too difficult to enforce.
I think it's likely that our government will have to repeal the law ( Not sure if that's the correct terminology).
It will probably end up with certain bars and clubs allowing smokers.
If you don't want to die of a smoking related affliction, don't go.
If you want to keep smoking your body to ash, do so, but know that it's probably going to be one of the worst decisions you make.
All us smokers now have an opportunity which we simply should't pass up despite the uncertain times we are about to face.
One thing is for sure though, if we are to believe the stats on smoking and the illnesses they lead to (I do, despite the argument that there is no proof for cause and effect), the passing of this law will undoubtedly result in fewer people dying and getting ill.
It has to be a good thing coz lets be honest, smoking is as stoopid as it gets.
In a couple of hundred years time humans (if we haven't fucked ourselves and our planet by then) will look back on this time in history and seriously question whether there was something wrong with our DNA.
Problem is, once you've tasted the sweet fruit it's damn difficult to ignore it.
