Cold Baked Beans

Went to my mate Billy Bowketts wedding at the weekend.
If you remember from a previous post, this was one of my friends at Crewe and Alsager College. I hadn't seen or heard from him for about 11 years when out of the blue he said he was getting married and did I want to go.
Of course I did , so me and Super Lisa booked ourselves a B and B and went along to some golf course in Sutton Coldfield.
We met two other old friends from the C and A era. Graham Gozzy Gosden from the Island (I.O.W) and Lisa Binks (Scouse gal).
As you can imagine we talked about ole times for a while. At one point I asked Binksy to describe me in three words.
Binksys reply left me with my jaw wide wide open.
"Tart , Loud , Obnoxious" she said.

When she saw my face she changed it and said "cold baked beans".

In hindsight I preferred the former description.

Anyway, we drank loads and danced to some great old tunes. You know, early 80's and Indie.

Suffice to say , me and Lisa had a great night. Lisa enjoyed meeting the infamous Matt and Graham and Lisa. It all felt a bit weird but it was nice to meet Binksys Simon , Gozzys Loretta (Hope I spelt that right) and Matts Leanne.

And at the end of the night , I was first the worst, Graham was second the best and matt did actually have a hairy chest.

Chest...... Chest

Hope to see you all again soon.

Where the Fuck has my bag gone?

Me and Super Lisa had a great time in Prague.
We drank much beer, saw the sights and I lost one of my bags.
Two things of note stood out from our five days.
1. I popped my Opera cherry- Went to see La Traviatta. I now know why Frasier and Niles get so passionate about it.
2. Super Lisa ate Czech - I now know why I've never heard of a Czech restaurant in England.
But I won't go into this now as she will probably want to tell the story herself.

Good to be back in Blogland

Another great jape

Heard this joke today. I liked it.

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the cashier. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.



"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a £30,000 loan to take a holiday."



Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.



Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.



The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.



Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.



She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow £30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."



She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"



(you're gonna love this)



(its a real treat)



(a masterpiece)



(wait for it)



The bank manager looks back at her and says...



"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."



(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........)


I'm going on my hols on Monday with super lisa for a week , so i won't be about.
I'll be in Prague, so if anyone wants me to bring them back a stick of rock, speak now or you'll get nowt.

Thats faster than my Volvo!

Sport is a funny thing.
Many people love it and many people hate it.
It's always on T.V. (especially the beautiful game).
I love sport and I want everyone I meet to love it too. If they don't like sport, I try pathetic attempts to convert them.
Whether it's because my methods are shit is irrelevant. They always pull the same face.
I can handle that they don't like sport. Really , it's Ok.
What I really hate is when people say that Rugby is a better game/more skilllful game than Football.
IDIOTS.
Anyway, I'm often in total awe of sportsmen and women. The shit they have to go through in order to reach the top.
There are two sports stories which always get me.

1. A kenyan Olympic Gold medallist told how his whole family was dead by the time he was 12.
His only possesion in the world was his goat. He walked with his goat to the nearest town and sold it. With the money he bought an old pair of running shoes. You know the rest.

2. A Colombian tour de france stage winner(cycling for all you sport dodgers) told how his father died when he was very young. He became the only bread winner for his family of 6.
He saved up every penny (or whatever the currency is in Colombia. Don't answer that. It's too easy) to buy a bike. Again , you know the rest.

I love this shit.

I remember Eddie the Eagle Edwards being ridiculed for competing in the Ski jumping at the Winter Olympics a number of years ago.
I also ridiculed him.
I'm sorry Eddie. I didn't know that you and your fellow ski jumpers accelerated to 60 mph in 5 seconds.
You brave , brave Eagle.