Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Laugh, I nearly shat myself.

My friend from my old place of work sent me an e-mail with a number of gags.

The following totally floated my boat.

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.

The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

Thanks Debbie, you haven't half brightened up my day.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Swindon Town

I had last week off with SuperLisa.

We didn't have much money coz we're still trying to sell our flat.

As a consequence, we did some cheap stuff in the local area.

One of these, ventures was an afternoon Mackeral Fishing.

Now, I'm no vegetarian but my God, it really was a horror show.

Not for one minute did I think what nasty shit would happen if I actually caught a fish.

I caught 5.

Sorry little fellars but you did taste good.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

I just can't stand it

I hate racism with a passion.

It's about the only thing in this world which will provoke an outburst, or tirade if you will, from an otherwise pretty laiser faire guy.

I understand that players try to wind each other up on the field so that there performance diminishes.

Although my Dad didn't play at any sort of level, he was one of the masters. Always bending the rules to suit his defending end.

If it is true that Materazzi said what the lip readers are saying he said, then I hope he is deeply ashamed for the rest of his sorry life.

Zidane is no Angel, that's for sure.

A human being desperately attempting to live up to his God like status has on some occassions fallen foul of other slurs on his ethnic background and his consequential inability to control his explosive temper.

As we all know, it happened again last Sunday in the Greatest Show on Earth (Sorry Olympics, in my humble, you are a comendable 2nd only).

At the time of the incident, I sat on my couch in my Brighton flat and told SuperLisa that I thought he was and "Idiot" for doing what he did.

That opinion has not changed.

Zidane has tarnished his name and I'm sorry for him. I truly am.

He was a fool for acting as he did and given his reluctance to acknowknowledge the hoards of french who gathered to greet their so near heroes, he possibly knows it too.

I'm a passive Englishman and, as a result would (I hope) never react in the way that ZZ did.

Thing is, he was brought up in the desperately poor areas of Marseille and his DNA is very different to mine too.

I cannot condone his reaction but given the racial provocation, the fact that his mother had been taken seriously ill before the game and the terorrist insinuations of Materazzi (If true), I am quite sure that there are 100s of thousands of decent people in this world, which under those circumstances would sadly act in a equivalent way.

Fairwell Zidane. It's been a pleasure

Monday, July 10, 2006

I say , I say, I say

What did the Italian footballer say to the French God of football?

Nice Butt?

Two things,

1. Zidane deserves to be sent off for what he did. No question, no debate.

2. If the reason for him being sent off is true (the 4th official saw the replay on the TV) he cannot be sent off.
There is no use of replay under FIFA regulations.

The decision to send him off is as unbelievable as Zidanes actions.

Well played Italy, hopefully now you have laid the penalty hoodoo to rest.

Monday, July 03, 2006

Two Violins, A Viola and a Cello Please

Oh Zinedine, why are you going to quit the beautiful game at the end of this World Cup?

You have so much to offer and so much to teach your english counterparts.

If Gerrard, Lampard and Cole had 10% of your ability I'd love them too.

Your first touch is exquisite and your spatial awareness better than Diegos.

Terry Venables knows the game better than most so when he said that there needs to be music playing everytime you have the ball at your feet, it echoed my thoughts exactly.

A Zidane comes around about every 20 years.

You are the last true playmaker (OK, OK, Deco isn't bad, but he's no Zidane)

If your team do beat Portugal on Wednesday, please, I implore you, do not get booked.

If you missed the final it would be a Travesty.

Play on Zizu, Play on.